Thinking a lot

So lately I have been thinking about my life and current situations. I see my husband and the things he does is actually pretty typical of. A man. They just don't take much action in their child's lives. I know it is morecommonnow to do so however James is kind of old fashioned so it makes sense I take it all on. I am the mom it is myjob and that is also typical of astay at home mom. I am finally after 3 yrs becoming more comfortable in this marriage,more comfortable in my own skin. I think about this 3rd pregnancy too, it came at what seemed like the worst timing, but now it just seems perfect. I am home and have time to spend with our beautiful daughter and I can get E on and off. The bus. Also, I can take care of myself and the baby without added stress which keeps my blood pressure happy. I just think the closer I try to get with God the better I feel about my life all together. I have been thinking as my New Year's resolution I will follow Jesus closer and trust fully in him; I will work on peace in my marriage, and I will love my children and show them that every day. I think marriage is a serious institution and I need to keep it peaceful and sacred. I love my family and I want it to be happy. I am the heart of the home.

so much going on.....

Where to begin.....right now there is just so much going on. We are very excited because on Dec 20th we find out the sex of our 3rd child. Any guesses boy or girl? Then there is the thing that started the day after Thanksgiving. My mother in law hadour kids and there was some miscommunication and James ended up making his Mother very angry, so angry that she beat on his car and spit in his face. That has caused us to decide she may not have the kids alone Dec 10th or Xmas eve, but she can come here. Well needless to sayit has caused much frustration and anger throughout all the in laws. I know our decision is the right one but it bothers me our children miss out on half their family. It has to be thet way and right now all involved are poison to our family sowe have to shut them out. All this stress makes it harder to keep my blood pressure down and sometimes I have trouble sleeping. Also, I am beginning to have an increase in anxiety about losing the baby...why you ask I don't know. I have never miscarried but. All the same I worry. So much to think about and right before Christmas.

The Bump

The Bump

12 weeks

Ok so this may turn into the pregnancy diaries for a little bit but it's my blog so I can do that. Right now I feel crappy most days and I so do not remember that with my other pregnancies. I have a headache most of the time and I am so dog tired I can barely stay awake. I swear I could sleep for days. Then there is the waiting to find out what this kid is! Boy or girl I am just so ready to know. I guess its mostly excitement and I am whining a bit butbut damn it I am pregnant for the 3rd time....I am allowed to whine! I keep thinking about Hayden too. I am pretty sure I will rip a stich because it is hard to resist helping and holding Hayden. It is gonna be an up hill battle for all of us. I am anticipating the good with the bad, I am very excited!

1st trimester

Well baby no 3 is giving me some small problems. Whoever said all pregnancies r different isn't kidding. This time I am having lots of cramping...no worse then menstrual. I just feel crappy. Also, this time I am overwhelmingly tired, I could literally nap all day if I didn't t have Hayden. Also, I am STARVING which leads me to believe I am having a boy. I just don't ever remember being this hungry. Oh well, we are at 7 weeks and not too much to report. All in all pregnancy still isn't that bad....at least I have a reason to eat whatever I want.

In May Makes 3

Well.....ooops we did it again. In May mid May we will be welcoming our 3rd bundle of joy. This was a shock to all of us, we were done. Even though this wasn't the plan, I am very excited to have another sweet little baby. I don't even care if it is a boy or girl...we just want a healthy baby. I know my Eli will take it well....he's a pro at this whole big bro thing, but Hayden worries me. She is the baby girl and she demands lots of attention. This will be a huge adjustment for her. We will her through this and I am sure Hayden will be ok once she realizes this is a new playmate for her.....closer to her own age no doubt.

Kg

My lil man has been in Kg now for 3 weeks and he has taken tout well. He seems to be excited about learning and writing. His teacher even called to tell me he always makes the right choices and the other kids follow his example. I was so proud.....my baby doing well. Now, that I have been off work Hayden is learning too. I have created lesson plans for 3 times week. She absolutely loves all the new things I have made her experience...she's getting messy and squishing paint I just love it. Also, her little words are just coming in so much. She is saying so many new single words as well as putting many together. I am just so pleased with my kids.

A Little Rant

I haven't done this in such a long time that I just feel like screaming! I meed to haves a proper rant. I am not even really angry at anyone in general just situations really.I am upset with my family relationships! My mom hates my husband....the feeling is likewise so that makes it super difficult to hang with my mom who I have ALWAYS been close with. I know they are both to blame but it is a pretty efed up situation. Next, there is my mom in law and what I call the Bermuda triangle. I get mad at an isolated situation and I get over things quick and he takes off with it and yells at his mom over it. Or I am told to stay away from his sister and mom and than I am at a rock and a hard place! I like them most of the time and would love to be able to hang out but my husband usually gets upset about it or makes my life hell over it.....I guess it is sometimes a square more than a triangle. I just wish we could get along hang out on the weekends have our kids play while we sit by the firepit ect...you get the point but no. Someone told me you should look at how a man treats his mom and sister, then you'll know how he will treat you. Sometimes I wish someone would have told me that before I got married! I don't know someone tell me....is marriage supposed to be a huge disappointment or is it just the man I married? I wonder what would happen if we polled other married women who can say I am honestly happy? I am sure its a fair amount but I know other people feel me out there. Life can be disappointing...thank God I have wonderful children!

To clip or not to?

Ok so lately I have had lots of time to reflect since I lost my job. I like being home with my babies but it also shows me how much time I have lost since I work full time. My baby Eli Patrick is going to be 6 in like 2 1/2 weeks and starting Kg too! I remember holding that little baby boy with gorgeous hair and skin. He was so perfect. Now, he is a wonderful big brother and starting school. Hayden is now almost 2 yrs old. She walks and talks. I worry about the amount she doesn't talk but I am sure she will get there with time. We know she has the words at least. Next, I think about me...I am 31 almost 32 years old and my husband has decided he only wants 1 kid and Eli and we are done having children. I want to be ok with that I really do, but part of me just can't accept it. I wanted more and yeah i've heard the b s about affording more from my mom....I have the heart of a Duggar just not quite as extreme. I love my children don't get me wrong I have the perfect boy and theperfect girl, but is that it.....I am really done? No more pregnancies....midnight feedings? I guess I will have to wait and see what God has planned for me.

oh those toddlers

Well Hayden is in full force these days she is in everything imaginable! She has learned not only how to climb on chairs, but on the table top as well. She is busy no doubt and I have my hands full. She also, has exploded in words and even started putting 2 to 3 words together. I just can't believe how big my little girl is getting. Now, eli too has been growing we moved to a new home and he has a yard plus his own room. Eli has turned into a better kid all around he is happier and calmer since the change. Also, he is getting really excited about kg....me too. I am just really thankful that my kids are such little blessings every day.

March Madness

Well....where to begin! Eli is so big he got registered for Kg and did ok on all the testing stuff....they are not worried about him at all. We got an Xbox Kinect and have been learning all about it lately too. Eli is like every kid they just pick it right up. Now....the hard stuff, E has been having behavior problems for about a year and just recently they have increased....we originally thought it was a touch a jealousy but seriously I am starting to think I need a priest to do an exorcism on him. He yells and screams (guilty product of his examples), but the thing that baffles me is the peeing on stuff. We caught him peeing on his floor by his sister's bed (they share a room) and just recent on his leapster hand held game system.....what to do? I called his Dr. and she suggested psychological services at CG hospital....I am for it but James says he thinks E acts out due to sharing a room still. How heartbroken over it could he really be? I mean yeah her bed is in there and so is her dresser and clothes, however ALL her toys are in our living room and she never gets to play up there because of his little toys that are choking hazards. I just don't know what to do anymore.....will he ever be normal or like my sweet boy? Is James and I fighting really the problem? Yikes!

My big walking girl

Well....Hayden has decided to be a walking girl! She takes about 10 steps and still tries to crawl more than walk but she does walk very well. I think part of Hayden's problem is that she isn't quite ready to be a big toddler yet. I see her wanting to eat jar food more than our food and even wanting someone to feed her the sippy cup on their lap. I cannot say it upsets me too much that she acts this way because she is the last and I would love to baby her and the fact she lets me is awesome for me. I know it can't last forever but I am kinda glad it is gonna last a little longer than I expected. Don't get me wrong, she is very independent too. She can play by herself and she actually is already showing intelligence in her play. I watched her yesterday pretend to pour tea from her tea pot into a cup and then stir the tea with a play spoon. It was an awesome thing to witness. Today, she tried to use one of big brother's play tools to unscrew a bolt on a different play tool. She is just simply amazing. I just love it!

SIckness

Well sickness has fell over the Stafford household. Hayden has been coughing and had an ear infection on Christmas. We found out Friday she has pneumonia and is being treated with a steroid, antibiotic, and a nebulizer treatment 3 times a day. Now, she went back to the Dr. today and seems to be improving. Eli, however, has a cough and an ear infection. It just seems like this family can't get well. Hopefully all the treatments and Dr stuff will help the kids. My husband has been sick as well, I personally think he is sick because of all that he has been dealing with lately. My kids lost Grandpa Jim on New Year's day and it has taken a toll on our family, but we are managing to pick up the pieces here. Also, a bit of good news....Hayden is officially a walker now. She has been taking up to 10 steps without falling. It just seems like yesterday I was holding her and she was the size of a football. Well....hopefully we all heal emotionally and physically.